by Violet Inkpen, age 13

The girl screamed as hooves dangled above her in the air and a large black body rearing blocked out the sun; a scream of rage from the stallion and then she felt herself flying towards the ground, her hands flying to cover her face.

“Taylor! Taylor hang on!” somewhere far away, her dad shouted.

She landed with a thud in the soft grass, her head throbbing. The stallion charged, his eyes red like a beast of the shadow world. Taylor screamed in fear, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her dad raced to the stallion and tried to stop him. The stallion kicked and screamed and landed a sharp blow to the man’s head. He fell out cold. “Daddy! Help me!” Taylor pleaded, the horse galloping towards her. He leaped over her and kept on his mad gallop, all the way to the mountains. He was long gone. Taylor felt sick to her stomach; she lay back and closed her eyes, the injury overcoming her.

Taylor shot up straight from her bed, sweat running down her head. “It was only a dream!” she reminded herself, shivering. It was when she was Seven years old that all that had happened, and after her head injuries she hadn’t remembered that day. She remembered things before that day, Christmas and birthdays and such, the love of her parents, but not that day. She couldn’t remember it at all. That was good.

She looked over at her side table and tears came to her eyes – the picture of her dad on a horse holding her in front of himself. Beside him her mom was leading a horse there a young boy sat proudly, his first time on a horse without his dad behind him. The girl was only two, very tiny, but a grin shone on her face. She put the picture aside. That black stallion had killer her father!

She threw the covers aside and ran out of her room. The bare white walls stared at her in a cold way, as if reminding her that they didn’t belong empty. That they should be covered with horse posters, like they were three years ago. Well Taylor didn’t care what the walls thought! She slowly went down the stairs. There was a time when she’d slide down on the railing with her older brother just behind. It was foolish to her now. She might kill herself that way!

“Hey Taylor, ready to get back in the saddle yet?” Mom asked. It was the first words out of her mouth EVERY day! Taylor groaned.

As a member of the family she was expected to help around the stable, the family business. But she didn’t have to ride them and as long as she didn’t have to do more than shove food at those creatures and groom them she was fine. She’d even muck out the stall, as long as she didn’t have to ride, lead, or exercise them in any way. “Hey mom, ready to move to the city and get a real job?” Taylor asked, grabbing a muffin and an apple.

“Ah, taking a treat for the horses?” Mom asked, hope shining in her eyes.

“Taking fruit for MY breakfast,” Taylor corrected her.

“Taylor, hun, accidents happen. That horse was wild, abused. When he was sold to us we had no idea. So when your father tried to lead him to the pasture he went crazy. It wasn’t the horse’s fault his old owner was dishonest. He was afraid,” she said, gently wrapping Taylor in a hug. Taylor pulled away.

“Whatever,” she hissed. Mom looked deeply hurt and sorry for Taylor’s bitterness.

“We can’t change the past. We can only make the future better.” Mom reached out and tugged on Taylor’s braid. She use to wear pony tails but after the accident….anything horse or pony was out of the question for her.

“Mom! My future is completely horseless!” Taylor snapped, pulling away. She ran for the door. “I have stuff to do,” she called out.

After rushing through her chores, throwing hay at the horses, dumping water in their buckets and opening the gates at the back of their stalls to release them into the pasture, she ran for school.

“Hi Taylor!” Liza Smith, the most beautiful girl in school called out.

“Hello Liza,” Taylor said, smiling.

“Did your mom get you a phone yet?” Liza asked, tilting her head to the side and showing Taylor her flip screen cell phone with a key pad and internet connection. Taylor winced.

“Not exactly! If I’d asked for a horse she’d have jumped at the chance to spend money, but a cell phone? No way! She is the worst mom ever!” Taylor groaned.

“Too bad, I was looking forward to texting,” Liza sighed in a fake sigh of pity. “Well, goodbye. I have people to text people with cell phones.” Then Liza walked away, ignoring anyone who didn’t have a phone. Taylor frowned. She hated horses!

The rest of the day was horrid. Everyone kept whispering about the phone-less, hopeless Taylor. Taylor hated it. Why? Why did her mom have to be horse crazy! Didn’t she even care about anything else?

When she got home it was more chores. HORSE CHORES! After mucking five stalls Taylor left the barn and showered. All the smells of school and the barn washed away. She wrapped her hair in a towel and sat on her bed to write in her diary about her frustrations. When she was done with that she picked up the phone and called her best friend Kim.

Kim went to a different school. She use to try and encourage Taylor to ride horses again, but Taylor refused. Every time she came over Kim would beg to go on a trail ride, or when Taylor would go to Kim’s house all Kim wanted to do was show her the new pony she had gotten or talk about a horse book. She was a really good friend but sometimes Taylor got annoyed with all the horse obsession.

“Hey Tayl, what’s up?” Kim asked in her cheerful voice.

“Don’t even talk to me about horses today!” Taylor snapped.

“I didn’t,” Kim said, sounding hurt.

“Every time you open your mouth you are thinking about horses, so I’d prefer it if you just didn’t try to talk to me about horses. They’ve ruined my life again today!” Taylor sighed.

Kim got tired of Taylor always complaining about how horrid her life was, or how much she hated horses, but she never gave up on her friend and she never told her how annoyed she was. “Alright,” she said, just as cheerful. “What DO you want to talk about?” she asked.

“You wouldn’t believe how unfair my mom is!” And so Taylor spent an hour complaining to Kim about how awful her life was. When they hung up Taylor felt better telling someone but Kim was depressed. She hated Taylor’s new attitude. She missed the old, fun and fancy free, wild and creative, happy and go lucky girl that Taylor used to be.

“Taylor, feed the horses dinner!” Mom called. Taylor sighed. She was glad her brother took over half the mucking but since she refused to ride the horses she had to do ALL of the feeding.

“Mom, I was thinking that since they are YOUR horses and I want NOTHING to do with them. Perhaps I can do all the house work and you can do all the horse work,” Taylor said, slowly coming down the stairs.

“You are much too young to cook and clean and such,” Mom said, shaking her head.

“I can’t cook but I can do laundry, dust, sweep, mop, everything! You only have to clean once a week. I can do dishes, I can do whatever you need. Just please don’t make me take care of horses! I always smell like a barn at school and on top of not having a cell phone I am so uncool that everyone hates me!” she said, heart pounding. “Please mom, pretty please!” she begged.

“Well…..you can try. But everything must be done the RIGHT way,” Mom warned.

“No prob mom! Everything will be fine!”

It was a week later that Taylor was in the barn watching the pregnant mare. Mom had said that any time she’d foal and since there was an emergency at the neighbor’s house and mom was asked to help along with Taylor’s brother, Taylor was told to watch the mare and call the vet if anything seemed to go wrong. How repulsive! Watching a mare give birth was NOT on her to do list!

Sitting down outside the stall she glared at the mare as she turned circles in her stall, snorting. “You stupid horse! Hurry up and have a foal so I can get on with my life!” Taylor shouted.

As soon as the words echoed through the barn the mare collapsed. Gasping Taylor rushed into the stall. “I didn’t mean for you to die!” she said, frantic. The mare grunted and began to sweat. Taylor stroked her face. “Please, don’t die! I didn’t mean it like that!” she begged, laying her head on the mare’s neck.

She breathed in the scent of the horse and something inside her stirred. It had been so long! She reached down and stroked the velvet nose, amazed at the softness. She ran her fingers through the thick mane, whispering gently to the mare. “Don’t die,” she repeated, thinking of her father. He loved horses so much, and only wanted to share that with his children.

She remembered a picture of her as a two month old baby sitting on a horse’s back with her father behind her, holding her on. A tear came to her eye and a sob rose in her throat. “No! Don’t die!” she screamed, her stomach reeling. The image of her father shaped in her head. She shut her eyes and leaned on the mare, wishing her father could come back.

“I need you daddy! I need you so much! How can I go on without you? That horse, he took everything from me! Everything! How can I forgive him? How can I forgive any of them? If it wasn’t for horses….” But she broke off. If it wasn’t for horses her father would be alive, but would he be happy? He wasn’t made for a stuffy office, or anything besides horses. He’d be so different, probably grumpy. Unhappy, and unloving. Is that how her father would be without horses?

And how was she without horses? Cold, complaining, angry about everything. There was no fun in her life, no smiles on her face. That is what she was without horses! Bitter! Angry! Useless!

She looked down at the mare and gasped. A tiny foal was sniffing the air. Taylor moved to the foal’s side and gently rubbed the wet neck. “Is this what I was supposed to be?” she whispered, touching the damp mane. “Bitter? Am I supposed to hate YOU? What have you ever done to me? To anyone?” She stroked the soft nose. “You are innocent of even flicking a fly, little one. How can I hate you? You didn’t kill daddy. It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t MY fault!” she said, realizing for the first time it wasn’t horses she hated, it was herself. It wasn’t horses she blamed for her father’s death, it was herself.

Realizing this, Taylor hugged the foal gently then stepped aside so the foal could try to stand. She realized that horses were her life, her heart, and she loved them. Horses didn’t kill her dad and neither did she. And she found forgiveness, and joy, and for the first time in years she felt free of a heavy burden. She loved horses again! She loved horses with all her heart! Looking at the foal she felt a special place in her heart, a hole that had been empty, begin to fill and she smiled for the first time in years. Yes, she loved horses.

Three years later…..

Taylor sat tall on the horse Penelope, the golden colored filly with creamy, white mane. She sighed happily as the horse cantered through the meadow. She was glad that Penelope was finally old enough to be ridden. This horse had helped her heal her broken heart, and forgive horses and herself. This horse was a part of her now. As she looked out over the green meadow she grinned. Why did she ever want to do house work? Horse work was SO much better! She patted Penelope’s neck and brought her to a trot. Life was soooo good!