by SB, age 13

This isn’t something that many horse girls want or like to talk about, but we all must face it sooner or later. I’ve had my own experiences with it, so I know what it’s like and how it feels. At some point or another, one of the horses we hold near and dear to our hearts passes away. Whether it’s your new racehorse that broke his cannon during a race and had to be put down, or your favorite lesson pony that cracked a bone while leading you over a jump and you had to let him go. Or perhaps it was simply that your old mare just got to the point where she couldn’t lift her head, so you thought it would be best to let her out of her misery.

These times will come and have come to all of us. It is a sad time. I’ve had my own experience with this feeling of death and loss with my uncle’s mare named Magic (and that was what she was for me). She was a sweet little brown mare with a little white spot on her forehead. If you recall, I talked about her Fantasy vs. Reality. Magic was the only girl on a farm full of boys, and I, being a girl, paid her more attention than I did to the boys. She was my little girl who toughed it out with the boys like I did when I was little. I rode her every chance I got. Magic taught me to not walk behind a horse and how to ride up a hill properly without falling off. Magic was my little escape from the hardships and troubles from life, as I’m sure many of your own horses are. Then I got the call one morning that my sweet little girl had to be put down. Her joints had gotten too arthritic, and it was causing her problems to walk around the front paddock safely. I remember sitting on my bed with tears in my eyes for a few days. It was like losing a best friend to a drunk driver. What killed me the most was that I couldn’t be with her when the vet came because my uncle lived so far out that I didn’t have time to get out there and get back.

So the question is, what do you do during this time of mourning?

THINGS YOU CAN DO

Crying isn’t always a bad thing. It cleanses the spirit and makes you feel whole and better again. But don’t cry forever. It’s okay to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget.

Find something to do. Maybe it’s just walking around your school’s track or mucking out stalls. Maybe you’re one of those people who feels better just by doing something and being active.

Work back up slowly. Maybe the horse that passed away was the one that was going to take you to the top or was going to live with you until you died. It’s okay to be sad for a while, but know that your horse wouldn’t want you to sit around for the rest of your life moping because he or she had to leave. They would want you to find someone else to spend time with; someone you can love just like you loved your old horse. Maybe it’s the abused horse that nobody wants in the barn that needs love. Perhaps it’s the sweet little pony in the auction that’s calling out your name.

THING YOU CANNOT DO

Don’t sit around and mope for the rest of your life. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I’ve experienced friends who do this, and it isn’t good. If you do that, you’re only hurting yourself. If you don’t speak to your friends, you become reclusive and isolated. If you don’t speak to your family, and they are going to think you’re off your rocker. Talk about the loss to your friends and peers. Reminisce with your family over the embarrassing moments and memories. If you talk about it, that doesn’t mean you’re being disrespectful to the memory of your horse, but rather letting him or her live on through your stories and memories. If you lock yourself in your room and refuse to come out because, “No one understands how you feel,” then you only hurt yourself more. Almost everyone knows what it’s like to lose a best friend or a pet. You can connect with the others and let them tell you how they coped with it. Here at GHC there are people you can talk to and people you can relate to.

Don’t think that the whole world is out to get you. If your non-horse-loving friends don’t get why you’re so upset over a pet dying, it’s because they don’t understand the true bond between a horse and a girl. It is one of the most magical and powerful things in the world. Remember, share with others. It’s very likely they have some advice better than mine to get you through the tough times.

GHC Note: Often we receive submissions with similar themes from different bloggers who haven’t even shared their ideas with one another, but are somehow in sync. As we like to say around here, girls are connected to horses and horses connect girls, so it’s very cool when this happens. Please check out A Place to Heal Your Broken Heart, a blog by Rebecca Shyly where anyone can pay tribute to a beloved pet who has passed.

Related blogs: A Place to Heal Your Broken Heart, Dealing With the Loss of an Equine Friend or Partner, We Love Them Until Their Last Breath and Beyond, My Best Friend

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